Closer to the end

The end is creeping ever closer, and I'm all discombobulated by it and other things.  I'm in a weird mind set where everything is going along as normal but isn't at the same time.  There's an inner clock ticking away and the end isn't clear.  I'm missing people who've already left, or people I haven't seen yet but will before I leave.  I look out the window of the train at scenes that have become so familiar I take them for granted and realise I won't see them for much longer.  And while I may see them again, it might not be for years.  I'm trying to memorise specific views and vistas, wondering if routes I know through the centre of cities will have remained and what will have changed along them.  That feel in the air after it's rained, and just how incredibly damp it is here.  Oh, and the sound of hoofs and waggon wheels on cobblestones.  I won't hear that again.  And most, most most, of all.  Trying to absorb and inhale the feeling of Amsterdam.  To remember how it feels, it's own particular pulse, beat, rhythm, which no other city has.  Trying to make it part of my skin.

 One thing I'm very grateful for from this past year was the opportunity to learn the pulses of Rome, Venice, Munich, Brussels.  Some of those have grabbed me with such a fascination I know I'll be back to learn them properly and more in depth.  But because of where I've lived the most familiar now is Amsterdam.  It's comfortable for me now, and still fascinating because there's all sorts of things I haven't found in it yet.  Not so well known streets, little parks, funny little houses.  So most of all.  Memorising Amsterdam.  Which things to remember to tell people "I wish I could show you!"  Lots of those.  Trying to explain the personality, which way to go to get to the old town, which streets have the parties, or are just more fun.  I know I'll miss things, and I won't realise I miss them for a few months in some cases.  But that's good in some ways.  Less to miss now.  Gives me time to process.

Be well

Hints of endings

Endings are interesting.  Some are sad, some are if not happy at least not sad.  Others are temporary, some are permanent.  They're all different, and all of them will teach you something even if it's that you should have ended something sooner.

Anyway, this all leaps to mind because my last day of work is Monday.  I spent the last week going around seeing things that have become familiar almost like new, as it was if not the last time I'd see them, it was likely the next to last time.  It's a bit sad, and not at the same time.  I'll miss some things, like hanging out with the kids, and the walks with the dog when I did all my thinking.  I'll even miss the biking.  I notice things, and remember things.  Like last time was the last time I put M to bed.  I'm not going to have to do that again.  Monday's going to be chock full of "last times".  Should be interesting.

Another odd/interesting experience for me is feeling lonely.  In fact I didn't even quite know what I was feeling until today.  I just knew I was slightly unhappy, there was something off, and I couldn't figure out what.  And then I was sitting reading today and it struck me that I was feeling lonely.  The friends I made who I saw regularly and was close to went home months ago.  There's a couple more who are still here and I need to make sure I see them before I leave, but I see them infrequently.  I realised I haven't had a conversation about things that make me happy with someone I actively enjoy hanging out with for about a month.  Bar one day.  One of the friends who left came back for a day and I hung out with her all day, which, now I think about it probably set this off.  I was happier that one day than I have been in weeks.  It's also just occurred to me that this likely isn't good for me as an extrovert, but I also don't think hanging out with people I don't like much is going to help.  Hopefully I'll last for another two or three weeks without going too bonkers.

Mildly confused

My brain is in a complete muddle.  It's like part of it is still with me for the day to day, remembering to remind the kids to take their lunch bag or tennis racket or what have you, and the other part is waaay too busy with other things to be present at all.  It's a little bit like slogging through mud in my brain.  I was told it could be because while I'm still working, part of me has already moved on and is thinking about/planning what comes next.  And for the past three weeks or so I've been halfway between desperate to be finished and freaking out because I'm running out of time.  A totally random state of mind that isn't particularly comfortable.  Missing things from home with impatience mixed in one moment, worrying about not having access to certain things in Holland the next.

The other thing that's thrown me for a bit of a loop is I've only got one week of work left when up until Tuesday I thought I had four.  My host family's plans changed and now I'm done on the first of next month.  It was very odd, 'cause I thought I'd be happy or sad but I was...  Kind of ambivalent.  It's because life chucked a curve ball at my host family, so not the nicest of reasons anyway and I'm sad about that so that's probably part of it.  The other part is probably because I had a count down in my head to keep me slightly saner and to plan outings around and it's just gone poof!!!  Which, again, under normal circumstances isn't a bad thing but it got me completely muddled for a couple of days.  Strange business, brains.

So yeah, where I'm at now is 1: Desperate for some geeking out, 2: in need of some serious hugs, and 3: in a state of mild confusion.  And I'm still trying to figure that last part out.

Shade and Sweet Water y'all

Some recap

So on Friday I went in to Amsterdam (as per my usual) with two particular things on the to do list.  First was to got to the World Press Photo exhibit at the Nieuwe Kerk, and the second was to go to the House of Bols.

The World Press photo exhibit was well worth it.  There are some truly amazing shots included and I almost cried a few times.  You know the pictures are good when that happens.

And the House of Bols.  Well.  The tour part itself was pretty interesting.  It involved the history of the distillery and Genever itself, a room where you could smell all of their liquors and try to identify the flavour and pick your favourite (I liked the Blue Curacao and the Parfait Amour) and another where they walked you through all the basic ingredients without, of course, giving specific quantities or mixes.  And because they've been making spirits since 1575 there's old account books or sales notices tucked away in the odd corner, not to mention the piece by one of Rembrandt's students that was given to the family to pay off a debt.  

And then, of course, we come to the part where they give you booze.  The price of admission covers one cocktail and two shots.  I got a Mai Tai 'cause I know I like those.  The cocktail glass was big, which normally I love.  But the first sip?  WHOOOOO!!!!  The first thing that went through my head was "Well this is a kick you inna teef cocktail!"  I finished most of it.  And then I had two shots!  I tried the Jonge Genever and the Blue Curacao.  The next thing I noticed, of course, was the fact that I was most definitely tipsy, probably close to barely drunk if not juuuust over the line.  This was mainly noticeable because while not actively weaving or stumbling, my brain could tell that my balance was not entirely up to usual standards.  The other contributing factor was the fact that I was babbling at myself in my head.  And I was reminded yet again why I dislike being anywhere near drunk.  I don't like it when most of my brain works except for one or two parts which just got cold cocked.  The working parts get incredible frustrated with myself, and in this case most of it was working.  I'm just very very glad that I wasn't drunk enough to get the headache that usually comes five minutes after the alcohol kicks in. 

I ended up rambling at myself most of the way back to the train station.  The first thing that wandered through my head was "Kick you inna teef.  That's a Pratchettism.  I wonder how many other people wander through life with Terry Pratchett quotes as part of their everyday thought process and their daily language?"  Then I started to analyse the Genever.  It's got a crisp, clear flavour which would probably mix very well with most other alcohols.  Reminds me a bit of Vodka, but not as harsh.  When I was telling my mum about it I said "Think of it like this.  Vodka, as a spirit, is very Russian.  Genever is very Dutch."  That's a bit simplified but basically what it boils down to.  The next thing I noticed was what always happens when I'm drunk or tipsy, same as the headache.  I started getting draggingly tired.  Like, sleepy while walking to the point of not seeing clearly tired.  So I went to Starbucks.  Thank God for coffee.  At that point I'd picked up my dinner so I finally got on the tram and headed back to the train station.

The day ended with a very nice chat with a fellow at the Hilversum station about Dutch history and the fact that I didn't have a rich Dutch boyfriend or girlfriend yet.  It was highly entertaining and a good end to the day.

Oh, and I got a new camera. 

Ttfn

Things I think I'll miss

I was walking back from the Museumplein on the weekend, and thinking about where I was, and realised that there were several things I'm gonna miss when I'm back in North America so I started making a list.  I'm going to miss Amsterdam, quite a bit.  It's the major European city that I've come to know the best at this point, and I enjoy it.  It's old, it's got a fun vibe, it's easy to wander around in, and there's awesome museums.  I'm going to miss M.  He's quite the character, and he's fun.  The rest has to do with being in Europe specifically.  I'm going to miss the knowledge that if I have enough time and money I could just pop over to visit my cousins in Germany for a few days, or spend a week in Italy.  I'm going to miss the sheer number of cultures within easy travel distance, and wealth of history and ideas you can stumble across.  I'm going to miss my morning dose of NPR, 'cause I have a feeling I'm not going to listen to it as frequently as I do now once I get home.  And I'm going to miss having the BBC on my television.

On another note, I spent most of last weekend in the van Gogh museum.  I've seen pictures of his paintings before but I didn't really like the ones that get shown most frequently.  A weekend surrounded by his work has changed my opinion quite a bit.  You don't get the full impact of the colours and brushwork from a copy, especially if it's not actual size.  And in many of the prints I've seen it hasn't shown the separation of the colours properly.  His early work is good, but all the works I love are from after he went to Paris.  The colours explode, and the subjects get more varied.  I particularly like his Asian phase.  Two of my favourites are from that period, and a couple from the last few months of his life.  All in all, a very well spent weekend.

And this weekend was much slower, though I did manage to fit two museum/exhibitions in one day.  The EYE film institutes current exhibit and the Rembrandthuis.  That was pretty cool.

 Seven weeks to go.  Bye.

Counting down

So I'm in the final two months now.  Still feeling in a state of limbo.  And all my lovely plans for day trips took a hit over this weekend due to Amsterdam.  Just Amsterdam.  I went to the Van Gogh museum on Friday and discovered it was definitely a two day thing.  I've been wandering around the city often enough over the last year, so now I've got a few areas where I pay less attention to the route and more to what's around me.  The route to Museumplein is one of those.  And because it's the Museumplein there's a bunch of museums and similar things in the area.  So I kept seeing something else I hadn't visited yet but wanted to check out.  And it's looking like a pretty long list, so now I have to figure out what to do with my remaining weekends.

On another note, I've found the absolute best burgers in Amsterdam.  Better than a bunch of places in Vancouver too.  Not quiet as good as Red Mill, but that's to be expected.  It's a tiny little place called Lombardo's, and they have burgers, sandwiches, salads, and fresh juices.  The burgers are cooked to your specification, and the flavour combos of the meat and toppings is a mouthwatering thing.  Tasty, tasty burgers......

And I think I must be allergic to something.  Either a plant that grows here but not at home, or a mold that could be anywhere in the cottage.  I'm fine when I'm out for the day, but as soon as I get back my nose stuffs right up, and my head starts hurting.  It's annoying as heck and very uncomfortable.

That's all form me.  Ttfn.

So, Kingsday

Was interesting.  We ended up wandering around at least a quarter of the central part of Amsterdam, and one of the funniest things (for me) was that Dam square was probably one of the places that it was easiest to move and the least crowded.

Kingsday is a Dutch national holiday generally held on the birthday of the current monarch, but held the day before this year as his birthday falls on a Sunday and they don't do big national parties on Sundays here.  Every city, town, and village holds their own massive party with lots of loud music, food, and alcohol and the occasional mini playland.  The Royals make an appearance in two towns every year.  I don't remember which ones they were in this year.  

The biggest party that everyone says you need to check out is, of course, in Amsterdam.  There's extra trains running in and out Centraal Station all day, and they're all full.  Not sardine like full, but all seats taken full.  We walked through the North end of the Jordaan to Westerpark, then back down through the Centruum to Dam, and finally across in to the Red Light district and Chinatown.

In the North part of Jordaan it's pretty darn quiet on the side streets, but you can only move at a crawl on the main streets.  It's a free for all when it comes to booths on the street.  Most of the food joints have an outside stall, there's random beer bars, and as near as I can tell Kingsday is when everyone and his dog has a garage sale.  So some of the stores have stalls, but most of what I saw was the result of Spring cleaning.  Makes sense, actually.  Amsterdam is not set up in such a way that would make it easy to have garage sales normally.  Then, of course, back down to Dam.  The giant fair from Halloween was back in the centre of everything with associated wurst, poffertjes, oliebollen, friete, and waffles stands.  Oh, and cotton candy.  Dam is where everyone ends up when they want to sit down for a minute or two, so there was the usual crowd around the national monument and (because Kingsday) an absolutely staggering amount of beer detritus including way too much broken glass.

Next is Red Lights and dim sum.  The Red Light district was much as it usually is, only they were all aloud to be drunk and high on the streets instead of in the bars and coffeeshops.  So it was more crowded and a heck of a lot louder.  In the Red Light district, Kingsday is pretty much and excuse to start partying earlier and on the street.  The ladies of the area seemed like they might be doing a fair trade (again, makes sense) so there were more lights on in the windows than I usually see in the middle of the afternoon.  Several of the bars had outside music stands and were basting it loud enough to make peoples ears bleed.  And it was so bloody crowded around those places that you had to fight to get through which means your stuck having your pounded longer than you'd like.  It was at this point that my headache started.

Chinatown should perhaps be re-named.  It isn't Chinese specific, as a district.  I think Asian Quarter might be more accurate.  Walking along the street (singular, so quarter might not work as a name change) there were at least five different styles of Asian cuisine.  I saw Thai, Vietnamese, Chinese, and Korean for sure.  Oh, and Dutch, but that's hardly Asian.

At this point the sun was making my headache worse and we were getting hungry and tired so we decided to get food and go home.  The train was very empty, so we got our pick of seats, and blessed quiet.

We split up when we got to Hilversum, so I decided to try a new route back by following the bus route on the bike.  It's quite nice.  Quiet as in no traffic and very pretty.  it makes the uphill part longer, windy, and more annoying so I'd likely only take that route home and never on the way in.  Is topped in Laren to pick up some stuff at the Albert Hijn, and a friendly older gentleman stopped me and asked if I'd enjoyed Kingsday and where I was from, which was nice.

And after that?  After that I just crashed.  TTfN y'all.