Friday, 27 June 2014

Hints of endings

Endings are interesting.  Some are sad, some are if not happy at least not sad.  Others are temporary, some are permanent.  They're all different, and all of them will teach you something even if it's that you should have ended something sooner.

Anyway, this all leaps to mind because my last day of work is Monday.  I spent the last week going around seeing things that have become familiar almost like new, as it was if not the last time I'd see them, it was likely the next to last time.  It's a bit sad, and not at the same time.  I'll miss some things, like hanging out with the kids, and the walks with the dog when I did all my thinking.  I'll even miss the biking.  I notice things, and remember things.  Like last time was the last time I put M to bed.  I'm not going to have to do that again.  Monday's going to be chock full of "last times".  Should be interesting.

Another odd/interesting experience for me is feeling lonely.  In fact I didn't even quite know what I was feeling until today.  I just knew I was slightly unhappy, there was something off, and I couldn't figure out what.  And then I was sitting reading today and it struck me that I was feeling lonely.  The friends I made who I saw regularly and was close to went home months ago.  There's a couple more who are still here and I need to make sure I see them before I leave, but I see them infrequently.  I realised I haven't had a conversation about things that make me happy with someone I actively enjoy hanging out with for about a month.  Bar one day.  One of the friends who left came back for a day and I hung out with her all day, which, now I think about it probably set this off.  I was happier that one day than I have been in weeks.  It's also just occurred to me that this likely isn't good for me as an extrovert, but I also don't think hanging out with people I don't like much is going to help.  Hopefully I'll last for another two or three weeks without going too bonkers.

2 comments:

  1. Chin up dearheart, we are only a text or phone call away - you still have much adventuring to do!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you!!!! I'm just waiting for family to get here, 'cause that'll help the starved extrovert part. Any contact with you guys helps!

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