A few observations after my first week here.
I've discovered there's a fine line between what people seem to call bluntness and being outright rude. I had an experience a few days ago where someone commented on a physical feature of mine and told me I might want to change it while I'm living here. I was hurt. Very hurt. I thought about it for two days, and then I told the person how I was feeling, whereupon they explained why they had said what they did. Suddenly it all made sense. It wasn't such an issue and I was feeling much better about the whole thing. The observation is: There is a point to the conversational preamble. If I had heard the reason for the suggestion it's entirely possible I would have reacted better than I did, but by going straight to the point a few important pieces of information were missed and I had two days of being upset and uncomfortable as I sorted things out in my head.
Another thing that has kept popping up on the fringes of my awareness is the fact that nobody picks up after their dog. It's completely normal here, and I'm pretty much used to it but it's something so opposite to what is normal in Vancouver that I can't help noticing it. Most of the dogs seem to go in long grass or in amongst the trees but every now and again you come across a small pile on the side of the road.
Another thing. I have never, ever, seen so many bikes tootling about before. I'm being cautious about my bike, perhaps more cautious then I should be, but there are a lot of other bikes on the roads and trails to contend with and I'm still finding my way around the town. Plus, cars have always made me nervous if I'm not in one. I have a lot of respect for their size and weight and I'm unaccustomed to sharing road space with them. That said, I'm fairly sure I'll be biking a lot more. Possibly by the end of September and certainly after two months. You just can't do much if you don't bike here. Everyone goes absolutely everywhere on them. Oh, and no helmets. I've seen maybe four people wearing helmets since I got here and all of them were what people in Vancouver tend to think of when you say "cyclist" Fancy bikes, spandex clothes, and of course, helmets. So the only people who wear helmets are those who are out to bike as a sport instead of as a way to get from point A to point B.
And about me.
I'm behaving a bit like a turtle at the moment. Staying close to the places I know, not going out much, etc. Part of me is thinking "Shouldn't you be trying to meet people? Or explore more? Or something?" Another part of me (the louder part at the moment) is thinking "Seriously?! You've only been here a week! You don't even have a sense of 'Normal' yet! It'll happen. Don't rush it." So far I've been paying slightly more attention to the second head voice. And I'm feeling a little guilty which I probably shouldn't be. But everything still seems a little confusing. Which means I should probably keep paying a little more attention to the second voice, right?
That's it for now. See ya.
Yes, I agree with your second voice. You WILL come to feel more at home, you WILL go out and do things. But right now, this is a big adjustment in every way. Don't force yourself past your own comfort zone. At some point, you'll suddenly think, "oh, look at me going out and doing stuff! Oh!"
ReplyDeleteSimply by BEING there, you're learning and changing, adjusting. The second time I went to Morocco, I'd had a lot of change in my life at home, and I gave myself permission not to go out every day. I realized that even sitting in my Moroccan living room having tea and reading a book, I was IN Morocco. I was looking up and seeing the Moroccan view from my window, hearing Moroccan noises outside. Just that was enough some days.
You probably are also still very conscious of the span of time ahead of you. As you get into daily life and new routines, and those become routine, you'll lose track of that, and that will make you less self-conscious.
It's a great adventure you're on, even if all you do is sit at home in your little Dutch room, drink tea and read a book some days!