I'm skating perilously close to panic. Well, maybe not full panic, but freaking out for sure. I'm tired. The past couple of days when I hit tired I start thinking "I don't WANT to go!" Or, "I can't do this!" Even if another part of my brain is going "Pshaw! Of course you can! It'll be fun!" and "You're just tired. Deal." The various opinions in my head can be quite unhelpful at times.
The other thing that's happening that is making it harder is saying goodbye to people. A friend helped me out with the money for my new laptop, and unfortunately I saw him about ten minutes after I'd hit the crash point yesterday. I kinda feel like I didn't say goodbye properly which is disappointing for me. And entirely my fault. Lesson learned.
And my cousin. Cousins, actually. Last night I had an awesome visit with two of them and went home thinking "My god. I don't get to do that again for a year. This is gonna be hard." I had a vague sad feeling for the rest of the night.
Now, the other side of all this, of course, is the fact that I won't be completely cut off from them all. The friend who helped with the laptop? I can chat with him using my lovely new machine. Same with my cousins. In fact, one of them was talking about buying herself a webcam so we could actually see each other! Woo! In all seriousness though, just being able to talk to all of them will help. It won't be quite the same as speaking face to face but the anticipation will make coming home that much sweeter.
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